You may feel like you need the approval of others when really you don’t. Accepting yourself flaws and all are very powerful and eliminate the need for validation. Your flaws are actually only flaws to others, maybe you’ve been told you’re too big or have a big head. So now you think your head is too big for your body. Truth is if you can accept it for the way it is then it’s no longer a problem.
Something you should probably be more conscious of is why do you need validation? If other people’s opinion about you affects your own opinion, then try and figure out why. Is it because you are a people pleaser, or you just like the feeling of acceptance? Either way understanding why will help you to change it. Chances are you just want to be accepted but if you can accept yourself 100% then other people’s opinion of you won’t bother you. Then you’ll no longer find yourself changing who you are to fit someone else’s narrative.
Finding out what about yourself is your own opinion or someone elses is also very important. My advice would be to figure out all the things you like or don’t like about yourself then ask why. If you ask why and get an answer that isn’t “because Jamie told me so” or “well my mother always said” and it’s legitly because of your own formed opinion then you can choose to change it or accept it. I’d just accept it because you have to remember we’re not perfect and there’s no such thing.
Trying to please others just ends up with you being sad all the time. You have to find a way that you can be happy even if that means others are unhappy. We simply can not please everyone especially if in the end you’re the one that’s sad. Sometimes we compromise for others even though they aren’t willing to do the same for us. This is called people pleasing and it’s a bad habit. It’s ok to sacrifice for others that are willing to do the same for you but the others will just end up a dissapointment.
When you realize just how much you depend on others opinion, it can be quite scary to know you’re putting your happiness in their hands that often. It’s no wonder we are so unhappy, when we are making it someone else’s responsibility to make us happy. You really should never give someone else that much control over how you feel about yourself. So what if they think you are bossy or opinionated or shy, remember that’s only their opinion and that doesn’t make it a fact. It definitely doesn’t mean it’s something you have to accept as your truth.
We change and evolve constantly and so will our own opinion of oneself. We will adapt and adjust as we grow and learn to fit our own narrative. Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and not because of someone else’s judgment.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.
Steve Jobs
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