Why aren’t you choosing what you want?
Things become very clear what you need to do but for some reason it isn’t what you want to do. This causes major conflict within. You begin to doubt yourself and what’s really right and wrong. It’s not really about what’s right or wrong but then again it is. You see if you’re doing something you know is wrong but it’s what you want you’d still be unhappy no matter how hard you try to be happy. Sometimes you just have to take a chance and do what you want for once because if you don’t you’ll end up being unhappy anyway.
Much of the time the only reason we are unhappy with our decisions is for the way we are all connected as humans and it’s hard to accept hurting someone else and there’s always someone that’s going to be unhappy with your decision. It’s your choice though and you cannot please everyone and yourself. I understand it may affect someone else with your decision and it’s ok to feel a bit of resistance to just go for it. However the best things in life come from being uncomfortable and making those hard decisions. Just remember it’s your life not theirs and only you have to be able to live with the decision you make.
So the question becomes can you live with yourself and the decision you made? What are the benefits? What are the pitfalls? What is an outcome? Is it what you want for you or what someone else wants? Why do you want what you want and is that reason good enough to go after it? Not all things in life come easy, as a matter of fact most things that are worth anything in life are hard and you have to work at it. Personally I have been a real piece of work myself and it’s hard at times to be ok with who I am now. Not because I’m a bad person or anything but because I care so much of others that It hurts me when I need to make a decision for me but it affects them in some negative way.
I try to convince myself that it’s ok and for the right reasons and I cannot be held responsible for their feelings. Is that selfish? I’m not really sure but I think we are all entitled to our own feelings and we can choose how to feel about something if we choose to see it from a different perspective. Life doesn’t happen to me, Life happens because of me, but not if I’m not living that life. If I’m not living then I’m dying.
