Generational Trauma: A New Perspective

What is generational trauma?

When we have internal emotional pain we find ways to cope with that pain that can hurt ourselves as well as others. Everytime, I hurt people I was just reacting to my own internal pain. I was struggling with my own self worth. I was defending myself because I felt it was necessary, only because of the way I’d been conditioned to think about certain situations.

So many of us live in cycles of projecting our generational trauma onto other people. It never goes well when we do that! No one wins especially not you. The people in your path are also punished or hurt, although that is never the intention, and most of the time we don’t even understand those subconscious feelings that have went un-resolved all those years.

What are symptoms of generational trauma?
👉Low self esteem
👉Self destructive behaviors

👉Everyday is a battle against yourself…
👉Am I good enough?
👉Can I really do this ?
👉You have thoughts like “what was i thinking”?

Who is most affected by generational trauma?

Anyone can be affected by generational trauma, most don’t even realize they are affected until we dig a little deeper. Being systematically exploited, enduring repeated and continual abuse mentally, emotionally or physically, racism, and poverty are all traumatic enough to cause genetic changes.

Knowing what aligns with who you are and what you know to be is key to being able to see your own truth. If you know that you are amazing and can achieve your goals then understand your own awareness of what others may project onto you. Being conscious of your thoughts and why you believe something to be true is essential.

Generational trauma is a traumatic event that began prior to the current individuals generation and has impacted the way someone understands, copes with and lives their life.

It’s up to you to change Generational narratives;
when they tell you “this runs in the family”, you tell them; “This is where it runs out.” When they say we’ve always been this way, you say “well not anymore, it’s time for a change”.

Do your thoughts really belong to you, or are they other people’s thoughts? We as a society have been in a certain environment our whole lives and what we hear actually becomes what we begin to believe ourselves. So it’s definitely important to understand which thoughts are yours and which ones came from other people doubting you!

As you’ve noticed we live in such a negative environment with chaos and fear all around us. Do you think what you believe is only because of what is socially acceptable by others.

Or is it something you believe and why? We need to uncover our own truth so your not fighting yourself all the time as to what the right thing is . Becoming aware of your values and beliefs are vital in aligning your thoughts with your core.

You have a chance to break the cycle of passing sadness and that traumatized childhood onto your child. Don’t we all deserve better from each other? Children really are put under so much more pressure these days just because of how much our parents messed us up and unknowingly we are doing the same thing to our kids.

How we deal with things make all the difference.

I noticed the other day that I was just a little irritated at my 3 year old, (Sometimes moms’ just need a break) and I caught myself snapping at her. She was only repeating a question cause I hadn’t answered her but it annoyed me.

Before I knew it I was on my knees hugging her because I scared her when I raised my voice and she began to cry. I also realized, I do that more than I’d like to admit. Right then and there I made a promise to myself to fight the irritability, take a moment when needed and become more patient and explain things in a more clearer way so she wouldn’t ever have to feel that rejected hurt and tone in my voice. See small changes like this can make a world of difference for generations to come.

Do you feel like you are alone in the world? That nobody is really there for you? Maybe you are really independent and you pride yourself on that, but deep down, you are afraid of depending on anyone because it might make you look or feel weak?

Do you sometimes wonder why you’re not happier? Do you look around you, and see other people who seem to have some secret ingredient in life that you lack? Do you sometimes feel empty, alone, or unfulfilled deep down? Like you have this barrier between you and everyone else and you are always on the outside looking in?

I study social psychology and I have found this pattern of struggles in people. It’s a pattern that no one talks about.

In fact, it’s so invisible that there’s no universal term to name it or describe it. So i call it what it is Childhood emotional disconnect or (CED) and I want to help you become aware of what it actually is. Even the best and most loving parents can fail their children in this way.

Many are simply raising their children the way they were raised themselves, unaware that they are failing to provide a crucial ingredient to their growing child. This is part of what makes CED so invisible. But the message that you get as a child is: Your Feelings Don’t Matter.

And since our emotions are the most deeply personal and biological part of who we are, we hear this message as,

You don’t matter.”

So, you adapt to keep your parents happy, and you push your feelings down and away, so that they won’t bother anyone. That strategy works well for you as a child, but as an adult, you start to notice that you feel numb or empty.

You have a hard time relating to other people and expressing yourself. You may have difficulty knowing what you want or what you need or what you feel. You may even feel ashamed for having feelings and needs, and get angry at your own mistakes, or for simply being human.

Another way that parents can unwittingly emotionally neglect their child is to fail to give him the structure and rules to live by, like consequences and discipline. As a result, the emotionally neglected often struggle with self-discipline as adults.

Whatever the level of parental failure, the emotionally neglected have no childhood memories to explain their difficulties. So, too often, they blame themselves. To this day, Emotional Neglect has been overlooked. Because it’s invisible, unmemorable, and the absence of something (emotional validation).

It has been greatly overshadowed by more visible, but also worthy topics, like childhood events, abuse, or trauma.

My goal is to shine a light on this powerful but invisible force. To give people a common language to talk about it, and to offer an explanation to the scores of people who are suffering in silence, wondering what is wrong with them. Understanding the issue can better help you to deal with it in a more healthy way. Addressing these issues emotionally lets you put the pieces together that make you whole.

Is Intuition the same as Instinct?

Some would argue that intuition is the same as instinct and it is somewhat very similar. However intuition is not a reaction, it’s an insight or a thought. Instinct is a natural reaction, it’s a response to a situation without having to think at all. There is a distinct difference in the two words although most people associate these words with the same meaning. Instinct is something that is natural and we are born with. It is not something we develop over time like intuition is. Intuition is developed from our environment. It is is simply a feeling we get as to where when we act on instinct, we’re reacting without thinking and that’s the reason most people act impulsively (so they claim). When someone says I was only acting instinctively, most often they are reacting to a situation and didn’t think about what their response would be.

The Scarcity Loop

TraumaThe scarcity loop is a cycle that most people get stuck in. Not having enough money has mostly negative outcomes and the lack of money is even worse. The fear of money causes most people to make more poor choices as the pressure is just too much to think logically. So a little Self reflection exercise I like to do with people helps them to understand the psychology of money in a way that is helpful.

What word comes to mind when you say the word “MONEY”? If you live with scarcity then these things may be true:

  • Belief that money is bad
  • You tend to overspend
  • You sacrifice your financial well-being
  • You have trouble sticking to a budget
  • Avoid looking at bank statements
  • Money is the root of all evil
  • Rich people are greedy
  • If I make a lot of money I’m a bad person
  • People wont like me if I’m rich
  • Just want to help others make money and I don’t care about money
  • I don’t deserve money

If you worship money however you would have the mindset of :

  • Overspending
  • Hoarding possessions
  • Ignore finances
  • Trapped in credit card debt
  • Spend compulsively
  • Put work before finances
  • Give to others even if you can’t afford it
  • Money is the key to happiness
  • Financially dependent to others
  • I never have enough money
  • I can never be happy if I’m poor
  • Money gives my life meaning
  • Money solves all my problems
  • If I had more money things would be better

If you believe your net worth = your self worth you might do these things:

  • Overspend to look good
  • Depends on others financially
  • Gamble
  • Lie about spending
  • Think your only successful as the amount of money you spend
  • Think others will like you the more money you make

If you’re a money vigilance you may:

  • Anxious about financial well being
  • Have a hard time enjoying spending money
  • Think people only want money
  • Giving to poor encourages laziness
  • Shouldn’t spend money on myself
  • Have to work hard for money
  • Can’t trust people with my money

Questions you can ask yourself to see how you feel about money:

As a child what did your friends and family say about money?

If you grew up hearing things like: “Money don’t grow on trees” or “Money is the root of all evil” chances are you’ve gotten the notion that money is bad and that’s just not true. However it has probably caused you to be scared of money (subconsciously) and that in turn has created more of a scarcity mindset. It has always been a struggle when it comes to making more money and you’ve probably struggled just to make ends meet.

What was your first memory of money?

What did you learn watching your mom and dad?

were there restrictions on money or allowances given?

Have you ever seen anyone loose everything?

Psychological research on scarcity

Being poor requires such an excess of mental energy that those with restricted implies — be they sugarcane ranchers in India or New Jersey shopping center attendees — are bound to pursue missteps and terrible choices than those with greater monetary pads.

This is the psychology research of scarcity investigating how individuals’ psyches are less productive when they believe they need something — whether it is cash, time, calories or even friendship.

This world view limited by fear consumes what I call “bandwidth of our minds” — intellectual prowess that would somehow or another go to less squeezing concerns, preparing and critical thinking. This hardship can prompt a daily existence consumed by distractions that force continuous mental shortfalls and support pointless activities.

By and large, there have been two methods for pondering destitution: A big part of the scholarly conversation guarantees that needy individuals are completely level headed and go with totally sensible money saving advantage choices in light of their conditions. The other half spotlights on this culture of destitution that depends on unfortunate qualities and absence of arranging. We felt that there was a third other option. We don’t think anyone is completely judicious, and there’s not a great explanation to think the poor are frightfully obsessive or surprising in any extraordinary manner. Imagine a scenario in which we simply consider them confounded and one-sided, as we as a whole are, and that when you commit those errors with regards to neediness, the results are substantially more extreme than when you have more solace.

Over the long haul, we began getting more information and noticing situations where the poor appeared to be making more outrageous mistakes than those with more prominent means. That continuously driven us to the possibility that there’s an exceptionally specific brain science that arises when we need something more and that this brain research prompts extremely terrible results.

How does shortage prompt these awful results?

Each psychologists comprehends that we have extremely restricted mental space and transfer speed. At the point when you center intensely around a certain something, there is simply less brain to commit to different things. We call it burrowing — as you commit increasingly more to managing shortage you have less and less for different things in your day to day existence, some of which are vital for managing shortage. There’s a ton of writing showing that destitute individuals don’t work out quite as well in numerous parts of their lives. They are in many cases less mindful guardians than the people who have more cash, they’re more regrettable at sticking to their prescription than the rich, and, surprisingly, unfortunate ranchers weed their fields less well than the people who are less poor.

Then they get up the following morning and take on this unimaginably exorbitant loan once more, consistently for a normal of around 10 years, and on the off chance that they saved somewhat more or acquired somewhat less they would before long be sans obligation and could twofold their pay. It appeared to have its very own rationale — this need to zero in on the everyday and not having the ability to change long term.

We then, at that point, finished a battery of studies where we saw that controlling scarcity hugely affects individuals’ mental limit. In the first place, along with Jiaying Zhao, who was then an alumni understudy, we went to a shopping center in New Jersey where we requested that individuals complete tests estimating mental control and liquid knowledge, a part of level of intelligence. We had them do these things while they were pondering a monetary situation — something sensible, requiring $150 to fix a vehicle that stalled, or seriously requesting, requiring $1,500 in vehicle related costs. We separated the members by family pay and found that the rich individuals in the shopping center excelled on the mental tests, whether they were thinking about the difficult or the less difficult situation connected with the vehicle. The less fortunate individuals in the shopping center were similarly proficient intellectually and did similarly too on liquid knowledge as the rich when they were contemplating the sensible situation. Be that as it may, when they mulled over the seriously difficult situation, their scores went way down. Basically being engrossed with this requesting monetary test exacerbates them.

Clearly, in that trial, we controlled for all that we could, yet by the day’s end, these are rich versus poor and you could say that they contrast in things like wellbeing and training. So then we went to India and concentrated on sugar stick ranchers, who procure the main part of their pay once a year after they reap, and afterward need to ensure their assets push them along until the accompanying harvest. These are individuals who are fundamentally rich after the reap however poor previously, so we led these mental tests on similar ranchers, two months prior and two months after collect. It’s similar individual, same instruction and values, however they, as well, scored what might be compared to 10 intelligence level focuses less before collect contrasted with after gather.

What impact do these mental movements have on conduct and direction?

One of the exemplary mistakes that unfortunate Americans are scrutinized for is taking “payday credits,” those extremely exorbitant loans that right now appear to be a decent arrangement yet after fourteen days make them owe exorbitant interest. Thus, we chose to run a review with college students, who no one would agree are unsophisticated. We had them play a “Family Fight”- like PC game and haphazardly relegated them to be rich or poor in how much time they needed to respond to questions, giving the rich 50 seconds for each round and the unfortunate 15 seconds. A big part of the members were likewise given the choice to get time, yet consistently they acquired cost two seconds from the whole pail of time they had accessible for the game.

We found that when individuals were rich with time they were exceptionally sensible, required it less, and, truth be told, incidentally took a credit. However, when they were time-poor, these complex Princeton understudies snatched these accessible credits to attempt to do well in the game and wound up getting less cash than the time-unfortunate understudies who weren’t given the choice to get. These understudies misstepped the same way that we saw among needy individuals.

What shocks you most about scarcity?

The effects it has on us mentally. Such trauma it causes.
Most striking that these discoveries make an extremely impressive case for the possibility that individuals who look exceptionally terrible in states of shortage are similarly pretty much as fit as most of us when shortage doesn’t force itself on their brains. What’s intriguing about a great deal of social exploration is that we don’t have full natural admittance to it. For instance, research on the utilization of cellphones in vehicles has been striking since we as a whole have the deception that we can oversee calls fine and dandy. In any case, the discoveries are certain that when you are on a cellphone in the vehicle, in any event, when it’s not hand held, your response time is similar to being lawfully smashed. That is not naturally accessible to us on the grounds that the vast majority of us simply don’t feel it. Exactly the same thing occurs here. Individuals realize they’re occupied and diverted, however the effect and the results of that interruption are substantially more amazing than we understand.

What impact is scarcity having on America?

There’s an exceptionally huge extent of Americans who are concerned and battling monetarily and consequently conceivably ailing in transfer speed. Each time new issues raise their appalling heads, we lose mental capacities somewhere else. These discoveries might try and recommend that after the 2008 monetary emergency, America might have lost a ton of liquid knowledge. Individuals are strolling around so worried about one component of their lives that they don’t have space for things on the outskirts.

Are there any arrangements?

To the degree that you can stand to, give yourself a little room to breath. At the point when you pack your life too firmly and don’t leave slack, the smallest surprising occasion leaves you stuck. You don’t have the foggiest idea what will occur yet unavoidably something will — a water line will break, the vehicle will stall, you’ll get a leaving ticket — or on the other hand in the event that you’re occupied and pressed your time too firmly, you might get a startling call or hit a gridlock en route to a gathering.

How would you create slack?

While you’re managing a scarcity situation, plan a couple of seconds of slack over the course of the day — a half-hour anywhere purposefully left open so that assuming anything comes up you can profit yourself of that unaccounted-for time and deal with what you hadn’t expected. I assemble it having a conference with yourself. At the point when you’re poor, obviously, that is difficult. However, building reserve funds for a blustery day can assist you with managing an unforeseen bobbed check or stopping ticket, giving you some place to draw from so life can proceed.

We likewise have heaps of thoughts regarding how to “resist poverty” the world with regards to orchestrating strategies for poor people. We wouldn’t charge individuals $200 or $300 to join an advantages program, for example, food stamps, in light of the fact that the general purpose is they have no cash. Yet, when you give them an exceptionally muddled structure or request that they be some place precisely on time three days straight, you’re forcing an enormous data transfer capacity charge. Rather than burdening them cash, you’re burdening them transfer speed, which is additionally something they need more of. Thus, you are causing what is going on where they will undoubtedly come up short. We recommend that policymakers give their very best for make the world a spot where when I come up short briefly in view of botching my scarcity, there is a method for moving out, as opposed to sink further.

Conduct scientists are having an effect — it’s occurring gradually, however like never before previously, and the interest keeps on developing.



Being good enough is more or so based on what you feel is your worthiness. We often judge ourselves too harshly and this results in a less confident self image. If you feel like your life has no meaning or you aren’t valued then chances are you don’t have a purpose. When you have a purpose then you feel worthy of the life you were given. Becoming more than you are enables you to become more of the person you were meant to be.

One of the things people ask me quite often is how do I find my purpose? The answer is always this “You find you’re purpose when you become fulfilled.” Becoming fulfilled means accepting all that you are all that you’ve ever been and the fact that you can do more with yourself and your life if that’s really what you want. They’re are very few people that find that fulfilment, that is absolutely blissful , however the ones that do happen to work everyday to keep that mind-space open.

It takes extreme discipline to feel the worthiness that most people crave and yearn for. Most people never really get to live up to their own worthiness because the discipline it takes to get there is just to hard for them to keep trying. So the lesson here is the best things in life are worth it if you think it’s worth it. Sometimes we fake it till we make it, meaning we pretend to be happy until it becomes real. So telling yourself you’re amazing everyday, eventually you start to believe it then it becomes true.

It’s easy to get distracted or pulled off course and out of your comfort zone. That’s where the most accomplished dreams are met, in the sea of uncertainty. Once you experience that freedom you get when you just let go of all the “what if’s” and “I don’t knows” and just enjoy the experience. That’s really where all the joyous times in your life happen, when you’re just simply experiencing life. If you are completely consumed by life instead of directing and producing your own story then you will end up missing out on your life.

Make sure to surround yourself with people that appreciate the value you bring to the table. Also find the things that make you feel good like helping others and being a good person when it counts. Get on the good side of Karma and you will be rewarded. Most importantly make sure you’re giving yourself credit where credit is due, and celebrate your wins. If you do something you should be proud of then make sure you take that moment to pat yourself on the back. You don’t have to judge yourself so hard, nor try for perfection because some thing are just enough.

10 Things you can do to feel more Worthy

  • Help others
  • Be proud of your accomplishments
  • Do more for others in your life
  • Donate your time or money to a good cause
  • Surround yourself with appreciative people
  • Write a book to help someone else
  • Do something worth wild and unexpected
  • Go on a trip
  • Create a community or a following with your knowledge
  • Tell yourself daily that you are worthy

The Need For Validation

You may feel like you need the approval of others when really you don’t. Accepting yourself flaws and all are very powerful and eliminate the need for validation. Your flaws are actually only flaws to others, maybe you’ve been told you’re too big or have a big head. So now you think your head is too big for your body. Truth is if you can accept it for the way it is then it’s no longer a problem.

man in brown coat and gray backpack posing for a photo
What is your opinion of yourself?

Something you should probably be more conscious of is why do you need validation? If other people’s opinion about you affects your own opinion, then try and figure out why. Is it because you are a people pleaser, or you just like the feeling of acceptance? Either way understanding why will help you to change it. Chances are you just want to be accepted but if you can accept yourself 100% then other people’s opinion of you won’t bother you. Then you’ll no longer find yourself changing who you are to fit someone else’s narrative.

Finding out what about yourself is your own opinion or someone elses is also very important. My advice would be to figure out all the things you like or don’t like about yourself then ask why. If you ask why and get an answer that isn’t “because Jamie told me so” or “well my mother always said” and it’s legitly because of your own formed opinion then you can choose to change it or accept it. I’d just accept it because you have to remember we’re not perfect and there’s no such thing.

Trying to please others just ends up with you being sad all the time. You have to find a way that you can be happy even if that means others are unhappy. We simply can not please everyone especially if in the end you’re the one that’s sad. Sometimes we compromise for others even though they aren’t willing to do the same for us. This is called people pleasing and it’s a bad habit. It’s ok to sacrifice for others that are willing to do the same for you but the others will just end up a dissapointment.

When you realize just how much you depend on others opinion, it can be quite scary to know you’re putting your happiness in their hands that often. It’s no wonder we are so unhappy, when we are making it someone else’s responsibility to make us happy. You really should never give someone else that much control over how you feel about yourself. So what if they think you are bossy or opinionated or shy, remember that’s only their opinion and that doesn’t make it a fact. It definitely doesn’t mean it’s something you have to accept as your truth.

We change and evolve constantly and so will our own opinion of oneself. We will adapt and adjust as we grow and learn to fit our own narrative. Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and not because of someone else’s judgment.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.

Steve Jobs