Why is it so hard to give ourselves what we need?
There are lots of people living with addiction. Some don’t know they are addicts, others just ignore it and try to lie to themselves, then there are the ones much like myself that fight it everyday. Living with addiction and knowing that at any moment’s notice that urge can overtake you if you let it. That has been the hardest thing to take control of. The one thing that is destroying you is the hardest thing to let go of. It has been hard to face myself and know that I deserve better, my daughter deserves better. I look at her and there are days when I just don’t feel strong enough for her. When I don’t feel good enough to keep fighting, those are the most difficult days for me. It’s so easy to forget about my life for just a moment and relieve all that stress and tension and just give in. However I realize that it takes a much stronger me to pull myself up and keep fighting.
It is not easy nor does it happen fast but if you can just give yourself the credit you deserve and stay strong then things are bound to get better. This is just a test to see if you’re ready for better things. Well are you? Good things don’t come to those who wait, good things come to those that are ready for good things. Fighting is much harder than giving in but it is so worth it. You are so worth it! Facing those demons is scary and it’s not easy, but the things that don’t come easy are the things in life that are worth fighting for. I can’t tell you where I’ll end up at times because the road is dark and weary, but I do know that through the cloud that is addiction it will be ok and so will you.
You are not alone, no matter how alone you feel there is someone that sees your worth and wants to pull you out of those murky waters. Take that hand and swallow your pride, shame and guilt and take the helping hand. It takes that first step up to get you on your feet again. Although that first step is the hardest one to take you don’t have to do it alone. You asked for strength and got a task that feels impossible but will make you stronger in the end for having fought for yourself and your freedom. Just know that you are valuable and you have a greater purpose even if you haven’t found it yet. Good things are coming but only if you are willing to accept them once they arrive. Keep fighting and you will prevail.