Balancing the Scales

How to handle resentment and unresolved issues!

It’s almost inevitable in any relationship even with yourself, to not have resentment that builds overtime. Most of the time it’s caused from unresolved issues. Either you’re not being heard, not speaking up, or just trying to ignore the issue. Over the course of your life you probably have more unresolved issues than you’d like to admit. (I know I did, hell still brewing a few) 😅 Nevertheless how do we start to solve the issues we aren’t even fully aware of? Problems always come from a much deeper place than just the surface. The only reason they go unresolved and build resentment is not being fully and consciously aware that they exist. So the question remains what can we do to resolve them and not let them cause havoc in our life? The answer is simple although it’s not easy.


Say you’re irritable and taking your frustrations out on your significant other. (Subconsciously) you end up punishing yourself. However, you’re not really focused on finding out why you’re upset, There’s an internal part of you ( your subconscious) that’s always working against you. I’ve learned to listen more to my heart than my mind, but in order to do this, I have to remain very self aware. I’ve taken the time and effort to discover myself at my core and understand the why behind the why…. I’ve figured out all my triggers, all my deepest frustrations, my patterns, my core values and my BS which is what I call my (belief system).

I learned how to become neutral to others and their beliefs, not let them upset me or affect me as much. I did this by asking more and more questions about the thoughts I had and my language patterns. Changed what I did not like with habitual behavior and started to accept all of my flaws and imperfections and love who I am. Truth be told if we’re ok and can accept these flaws then these things are only a problem for others to accept. Just don’t change who you are to please others, because that only leaves you feeling unworthy and insignificant to whoever you rely on for emotional support.

Balancing the scales
Download a list of fundamental values

Resentment is created from our resistance!

When we aren’t even honest with ourselves half the time how are we supposed to be honest with each other? More often than not we tell ourselves little white lies from our subconscious, just so we can feel better about the person we are and the decisions that we make. You’d have be a freaking saint if you’ve never done anything, that later you felt ashamed of, at least once in your life, right? I think we’ve all been there. So going back to that feeling of shame and guilt, allow that feeling to exist within you. If you just sit with yourself and allow yourself to feel the sadness and regret for a few minutes. By doing this unique method our body, mind and spirit realign and balances out the scales within the universe. Otherwise not taking the time to “deal” with that emotion only creates resistance within us at our core and our subconscious.

Fundamental Core Values

We know at our core that what we did we should be ashamed of because of our belief system (which can be changed btw). However, now because we didn’t take that time of pain and discomfort (as our subconscious knows we should be punished for the shame), it now creates our own self destruction path because it is still trying to resist that feeling of shame. It’s now an internal conflict that creates a punishment within ourselves. This is why it’s so very vitally important that we work out these core values of ours and make sure the decisions we make align us with who we are at our core self. Having these core values allows us to really discover who we are fundamentally and why.

Why do expectations always hurt?

For most people expectations cause disappointment, but that’s mostly based on their current perspective of things. In all fairness expectations don’t usually cause disappointment, having expectations that are too high do. See it’s ok to have dreams and dream big, however not having small goals within reach causes people to fail or give up. Expectations are almost inevitable to have. They can be good or bad depending on how you’re looking at things really. They also cause one to work harder than the bare minimum. The way to lower your expectations without lowering your standards is don’t put the bar so high to begin with. Work your way up to the bigger goal with smaller goals to achieve first. Now I do understand that maybe your expectations are of a person. Maybe a friend, or relative, and in this case just try to remember the only person whom you can control is yourself.

It’s good to have expectations as long as they aren’t devastatingly disappointing. In my own personal experience as long as you’re not to hard on yourself when you fail you won’t have much disappointment. However having this disappointment causes us not to keep trying or at least try again. Failure happens but only when you give up or quit. Sometimes our expectations aren’t our own expectations at all, rather someone else’s expectations of us. Most people tend to never live up to their own expectations but that’s because we try to go for the bigger goal first then it seems too far away to even reach.

Sometimes just roll the dice and see where they land!!!

I’m certain that if we weren’t so hard on ourselves when it comes to our own expectations of ourselves then there would be a lot less disappointment in the world. Just accept what is and what isn’t and go with the flow of things and you’ll find more joy in life that way. As for the standards you have and set for yourself they will probably always be different than whoever isn’t living up to yours and that’s ok. Expectation is defined as believing that something is going to happen or believing that something should be a certain way. An example of expectation is a belief that you will be getting promoted. An example of expectation is a belief that you should behave as a proper lady or gentleman.

Some examples of expectations:

  • Life should be fair. …
  • Opportunities will fall into my lap. …
  • Everyone should like me. …
  • People should agree with me. …
  • People know what I’m trying to say. …
  • I’m going to fail. …
  • Things will make me happy. …
  • I can change him/her.
  • I can’t change my life
  • Everyone should be nice

Social acceptance isn’t a must, it isn’t even a need. honestly we should learn to accept ourselves before expecting others to.

Be sure to leave your thoughts in the comments and any suggestions for future post you might like to see.

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