life – Fundamental Shift

Meaning of Life…

Why you should always ask why

I’ve been asked on several occasions what is the meaning of life??? Well I’ll tell you… The meaning of life is whatever you decide it is for you. There is no purpose or value that is greater than your own and that goes for everyone. So what is the meaning of life for me? To give more than I take and to make a difference in some ones life other than my own. To feel worthy of the life I was given by being significant to the ones around me. It’s not them that gives my life meaning or purpose but without them I can’t say I’d have much of one, It is the feeling I get from my significance in their life that brings me joy and happiness. It is also what makes me want to do and be better.

To become fulfilled and have inner peace you need acceptance. Not from others but from yourself. If you cannot accept you for who you are you can never be happy or fulfilled nor find peace within. If it is happiness you are looking for then you will be disappointed for most of your life. Don’t want tomorrow when you haven’t lived today, it will always leave you empty and awaiting what you think you want. I mean once you have what you think you want then what?

It’s easy to get wrapped up in society and the world around you, influence and expectations of others, but you can’t forget who you are or why. Personally I like to learn any and all things and wake up everyday knowing that I am ignorant. For most it would be hard to say “I’m ignorant” and accept that to be true because egotistically you feel like you are not dumb. Indeed you are, you can not possibly know what you don’t know and what we don’t know is far greater than what we do know. So keeping the state of mind that knows I have much to learn, keeps me open to possibilities and knowledge.

We never learn if we already know it all and that’s why I get up knowing today I may know more than I did yesterday but there is far more that I don’t. This helps me grow because I am more open to others opinions and beliefs. Your meaning of life has everything to do with interpretation and perception on things and your environment has every influence on what you think and believe. You perceive things in your own way and that forms your own meaning of life. It can mean whatever you want it to, your not limited by a belief, because you can always choose to believe something different. One way or another doesn’t have to be the only way of living or believing.

Purpose

Having a purpose in life is what some would say gives their life meaning. Having purpose is more fulfilling as well and gives you a reason for living and doing the things you do. Most people have a hard time finding their purpose or place in this world and that’s because they are looking for something although they don’t know what. When you are looking for something you usually miss what’s right in front of you and your purpose usually comes from what’s right in front of you. To make this a little more insightful, it goes back to interpretation and perception, what you choose to see is what keeps you where you are or allows you to grow. If you are open to different interpretations or perceptions then you can expand your world view and also expand your own possibilities.

“You’ll never find yourself by being wrapped up in someone else”
Colleen Hoover

Everyone sees their purpose as different when indeed it is all for the greater good. The greater good being your own beliefs and perception. What you believe is your purpose is based on what you see and how you see it. However you have to stop and ask yourself is it your greater good or does it contribute to the greater good of humanity? Is what you do to work towards your purpose really a purpose that the fellow man can benefit from in a progressive way? Having a purpose is what gives your life meaning and everyone’s is different based on perceptions and belief systems, which as we’ve discussed can be changed as we progress.

Perception Or Deception

Is what you know your own perception or is it someone else’s expectations or beliefs that you’ve incorporated into your own B.S. (belief system)? The concepts in which you’ve seen, heard and learned from have indeed formed your own B.S or (belief system). So in order to find your own purpose and develop your own perception of things you have to be able to make sense of what you believe. Ask yourself is what I believe something that makes sense? If so then how? If not then why do you believe it? If you find yourself wondering why you ever believed something that you now discover doesn’t make sense chances are it’s because it was always someone else’s B.S that you never questioned.

Knowing that you can now choose to believe something else that makes sense to you. Now you have a different perception and interpretation of what is and what can be so you can develop your own B.S. in a way that helps you to find your own purpose in life and know that it is your own and not someone else’s. We lie to ourselves all the time trying to make sense of what we believe because we don’t understand that we can change that belief to fit our own perception not the other way around. You can’t force yourself to believe something unless you know why you believe it and if it makes sense to you.

Balancing the Scales

How to handle resentment and unresolved issues!

It’s almost inevitable in any relationship even with yourself, to not have resentment that builds overtime. Most of the time it’s caused from unresolved issues. Either you’re not being heard, not speaking up, or just trying to ignore the issue. Over the course of your life you probably have more unresolved issues than you’d like to admit. (I know I did, hell still brewing a few) 😅 Nevertheless how do we start to solve the issues we aren’t even fully aware of? Problems always come from a much deeper place than just the surface. The only reason they go unresolved and build resentment is not being fully and consciously aware that they exist. So the question remains what can we do to resolve them and not let them cause havoc in our life? The answer is simple although it’s not easy.

ASK MORE QUESTIONS…

Say you’re irritable and taking your frustrations out on your significant other. (Subconsciously) you end up punishing yourself. However, you’re not really focused on finding out why you’re upset, There’s an internal part of you ( your subconscious) that’s always working against you. I’ve learned to listen more to my heart than my mind, but in order to do this, I have to remain very self aware. I’ve taken the time and effort to discover myself at my core and understand the why behind the why…. I’ve figured out all my triggers, all my deepest frustrations, my patterns, my core values and my BS which is what I call my (belief system).

I learned how to become neutral to others and their beliefs, not let them upset me or affect me as much. I did this by asking more and more questions about the thoughts I had and my language patterns. Changed what I did not like with habitual behavior and started to accept all of my flaws and imperfections and love who I am. Truth be told if we’re ok and can accept these flaws then these things are only a problem for others to accept. Just don’t change who you are to please others, because that only leaves you feeling unworthy and insignificant to whoever you rely on for emotional support.

Balancing the scales — Download a list of fundamental values

Resentment is created from our resistance!

When we aren’t even honest with ourselves half the time how are we supposed to be honest with each other? More often than not we tell ourselves little white lies from our subconscious, just so we can feel better about the person we are and the decisions that we make. You’d have be a freaking saint if you’ve never done anything, that later you felt ashamed of, at least once in your life, right? I think we’ve all been there. So going back to that feeling of shame and guilt, allow that feeling to exist within you. If you just sit with yourself and allow yourself to feel the sadness and regret for a few minutes. By doing this unique method our body, mind and spirit realign and balances out the scales within the universe. Otherwise not taking the time to “deal” with that emotion only creates resistance within us at our core and our subconscious.

Fundamental Core Values

We know at our core that what we did we should be ashamed of because of our belief system (which can be changed btw). However, now because we didn’t take that time of pain and discomfort (as our subconscious knows we should be punished for the shame), it now creates our own self destruction path because it is still trying to resist that feeling of shame. It’s now an internal conflict that creates a punishment within ourselves. This is why it’s so very vitally important that we work out these core values of ours and make sure the decisions we make align us with who we are at our core self. Having these core values allows us to really discover who we are fundamentally and why.

Why do expectations always hurt?

For most people expectations cause disappointment, but that’s mostly based on their current perspective of things. In all fairness expectations don’t usually cause disappointment, having expectations that are too high do. See it’s ok to have dreams and dream big, however not having small goals within reach causes people to fail or give up. Expectations are almost inevitable to have. They can be good or bad depending on how you’re looking at things really. They also cause one to work harder than the bare minimum. The way to lower your expectations without lowering your standards is don’t put the bar so high to begin with. Work your way up to the bigger goal with smaller goals to achieve first. Now I do understand that maybe your expectations are of a person. Maybe a friend, or relative, and in this case just try to remember the only person whom you can control is yourself.

It’s good to have expectations as long as they aren’t devastatingly disappointing. In my own personal experience as long as you’re not to hard on yourself when you fail you won’t have much disappointment. However having this disappointment causes us not to keep trying or at least try again. Failure happens but only when you give up or quit. Sometimes our expectations aren’t our own expectations at all, rather someone else’s expectations of us. Most people tend to never live up to their own expectations but that’s because we try to go for the bigger goal first then it seems too far away to even reach.

Sometimes just roll the dice and see where they land!!!

I’m certain that if we weren’t so hard on ourselves when it comes to our own expectations of ourselves then there would be a lot less disappointment in the world. Just accept what is and what isn’t and go with the flow of things and you’ll find more joy in life that way. As for the standards you have and set for yourself they will probably always be different than whoever isn’t living up to yours and that’s ok. Expectation is defined as believing that something is going to happen or believing that something should be a certain way. An example of expectation is a belief that you will be getting promoted. An example of expectation is a belief that you should behave as a proper lady or gentleman.

Some examples of expectations:

Life should be fair. …
Opportunities will fall into my lap. …
Everyone should like me. …
People should agree with me. …
People know what I’m trying to say. …
I’m going to fail. …
Things will make me happy. …
I can change him/her.
I can’t change my life
Everyone should be nice

Social acceptance isn’t a must, it isn’t even a need. honestly we should learn to accept ourselves before expecting others to.

Be sure to leave your thoughts in the comments and any suggestions for future post you might like to see.

4 responses to “Why do expectations always hurt?”

Changes

Nothing stays the same…. If there’s one guaranteed in life that’s everything changes.

So how do we deal with change? Well how do you deal with change? Are you the type of person where you’re comfortable when nothing really changes? I used to love change now it scares the shit out of me. I mean I understand that change is just a part of life but I always take things to the extreme. Like if I feel something needs to change my entire life is uprooted and moved or shifted. No kidding either new house, new car, hell new husband. However, only you can really know what and when you need a change in your life. It doesn’t have to be so dramatic, taking small steps sometimes equals big results.

Things you can do to make small changes to get out of your comfort zone:

Drive a different route to and from work
Start a new project
Find a hobby
Do something you’d only do alone
Prank call your neighbors
Go on a trip
Have game night
Start a new tradition
Write a book
Go to the beach
Make it a point to meet a new person
Dye your hair
Learn a new skill
Teach a course or class

Once you’ve made yourself uncomfortable enough living on the edge becomes normal and you have to move up a level. Then what used to seem like a big deal becomes small and boring. It’s like exercising or learning, if you quit for a few days or a week you loose muscle mass and forget what you’ve learned. Change is inevitably something that is going to happen so if you are used to change then you won’t have anxiety so bad when things do change unexpectantly. Most things that change we think we have no control over but that’s simply not true. We are the only ones that can control our lives rather it be making a choice or simply not doing anything at all. Not doing anything at all is also making a choice, a choice to do nothing.

Worthy

Being good enough is more or so based on what you feel is your worthiness. We often judge ourselves too harshly and this results in a less confident self image. If you feel like your life has no meaning or you aren’t valued then chances are you don’t have a purpose. When you have a purpose then you feel worthy of the life you were given. Becoming more than you are enables you to become more of the person you were meant to be.

One of the things people ask me quite often is how do I find my purpose? The answer is always this “You find you’re purpose when you become fulfilled.” Becoming fulfilled means accepting all that you are all that you’ve ever been and the fact that you can do more with yourself and your life if that’s really what you want. They’re are very few people that find that fulfilment, that is absolutely blissful , however the ones that do happen to work everyday to keep that mind-space open.

It takes extreme discipline to feel the worthiness that most people crave and yearn for. Most people never really get to live up to their own worthiness because the discipline it takes to get there is just to hard for them to keep trying. So the lesson here is the best things in life are worth it if you think it’s worth it. Sometimes we fake it till we make it, meaning we pretend to be happy until it becomes real. So telling yourself you’re amazing everyday, eventually you start to believe it then it becomes true.

It’s easy to get distracted or pulled off course and out of your comfort zone. That’s where the most accomplished dreams are met, in the sea of uncertainty. Once you experience that freedom you get when you just let go of all the “what if’s” and “I don’t knows” and just enjoy the experience. That’s really where all the joyous times in your life happen, when you’re just simply experiencing life. If you are completely consumed by life instead of directing and producing your own story then you will end up missing out on your life.

Make sure to surround yourself with people that appreciate the value you bring to the table. Also find the things that make you feel good like helping others and being a good person when it counts. Get on the good side of Karma and you will be rewarded. Most importantly make sure you’re giving yourself credit where credit is due, and celebrate your wins. If you do something you should be proud of then make sure you take that moment to pat yourself on the back. You don’t have to judge yourself so hard, nor try for perfection because some thing are just enough.

10 Things you can do to feel more Worthy

Help others
Be proud of your accomplishments
Do more for others in your life
Donate your time or money to a good cause
Surround yourself with appreciative people
Write a book to help someone else
Do something worth wild and unexpected
Go on a trip
Create a community or a following with your knowledge
Tell yourself daily that you are worthy